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Story by Marcel Schwantes

What if you had the inside track into saying the right things at the right moment?

What if the way you handle emotions—yours and others’—is the difference between leading well and missing the mark? Well, that’s where emotional intelligence comes in.

But what if you had insight into saying the right things at the right moment to build stronger connections in the process? Would that be a game changer for you?

Emotional intelligence shows up in the way we talk to people, especially when things get tense, uncertain, or emotional.

Choosing your words with the skills of EQ

It’s not about being perfect or having all the answers. It’s about being aware of what you’re feeling, paying attention to how others are doing, and choosing words that connect instead of shut things down.

Hard to do for some, I know, but if you’re leading a team, the way you communicate can either build trust or quietly erode it.

Here are five core emotional intelligence skills—each with practical ways to show them through simple, everyday phrases you can start practicing today.

1. What to say to display empathy

Empathy means showing people you see what they’re going through. You don’t have to solve their problem or offer advice. Just saying something like “That sounds really tough. Want to talk about it?” or “I get why this would be frustrating” tells someone they’re not alone. These small moments help people feel understood—and that matters more than we often realize.

2. What to say to show self-awareness

This crucial EQ skill is about noticing your own reactions and being honest about what’s behind them. If you’ve snapped at someone or feel off, it can sound like “I’ve been a bit distracted today—there’s a lot on my plate.” Or “That topic gets under my skin, and I’m working on that.” Here’s the thing: owning your emotions doesn’t make you weak; it makes you real. And real earns respect.

3. What to say to show emotional regulation

The skill of emotional regulation is staying steady when emotions run high. It’s not about shutting down feelings; it’s about not letting them run the show. You might say, “I want to respond thoughtfully, so I’m going to take a minute,” or “Let’s revisit this tomorrow when we’ve both had time to think.” That pause gives space for better conversations and fewer regrets.

4. What to say to display relationship management

This is using emotional awareness to navigate conversations in a way that keeps people connected, even when you disagree. It sounds like “I want us to be on the same page—can we talk this through?” or “I appreciate your perspective. Let’s figure out how to move forward together.” It’s about making it clear that the relationship matters as much as the issue at hand.

5. What to say to show active listening

Yes, this is definitely a skill of emotional intelligence. It’s more than nodding while you wait your turn to talk. When someone’s sharing something important, phrases like “So what I’m hearing is…” or “Tell me more about what’s behind that” show you’re actually engaged. People can tell when you’re really listening, and it builds trust faster than anything else.

This post originally appeared at inc.com.

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by Lewis Senior

Every human being, leaders included, has blind spots. These aren’t flaws in character or failures of competence, they’re simply the unseen gaps between intention and impact.

Most of us don’t realize these blind spots are there until something goes wrong: a team misfires, communication breaks down, or feedback loops fall silent. But what if you could learn to detect, and even predict, those blind spots before they undermine your leadership?

The key lies in understanding your leadership style, particularly through the lens of personality diversity.

The Hidden Costs of Blind Spots

Blind spots can take many forms: an overemphasis on results at the expense of relationships, an aversion to conflict that stifles honest feedback, or a tendency to micromanage when stressed. Often, these patterns emerge because we’re wired a certain way, with our habits of perception, communication, and decision-making shaped by our personality tendencies.

When left unchecked, these tendencies become predictable pitfalls. And in the complex dynamics of today’s hybrid, fast-moving workplaces, the cost of not seeing yourself clearly can be high: lost engagement, missed innovation, and eroded trust.

Leadership Style Isn’t Just a Buzzword

Understanding your leadership style isn’t about fitting into a box, it’s about recognizing how you naturally lead, and where you might unintentionally lead others astray.

One powerful approach comes from personality diversity frameworks like the E-Colors, which segment human behavior into four primary tendencies: Red (action oriented), Green (analytical), Yellow (social and optimistic), and Blue (empathetic and caring). Most people exhibit a combination of two dominant E-Colors, which shapes how they communicate, make decisions, handle pressure, and relate to others.

For example:

Recognizing these patterns is all about awareness. Once you understand your natural style, you begin to see not just what you bring to the table, but what you might be missing.

Three steps to spot and manage your blind spots

1. Know Thyself (Really)

Most leaders assume they’re self-aware. But research from Tasha Eurich and her team has shown that while 95% of people think they’re self-aware, only about 10% to 15% actually are. Personality assessments, when well-designed and behavior-based, can act as a mirror that reflects back not just your strengths, but also your triggers and tendencies under stress.

Ask yourself:

A Red/Green leader, for instance, may pride themselves on logic and decisiveness. But under pressure, that same logic can turn into coldness, and decisiveness into dismissiveness. Recognizing that pattern is the first step toward managing it.

Leadership blind spots by personality style

2. Invite honest feedback, then listen deeply

Blind spots are, by definition, hard to see. That’s why intentional leaders proactively seek feedback, not just once a year, but as an ongoing dialog. The trick is not just asking for feedback but making it safe for others to give it. This is especially important when your leadership style may unintentionally discourage openness.

For example, a Yellow/Red leader might radiate enthusiasm but dominate conversations, making it hard for others to express disagreement. By understanding this, they can slow down, ask more open-ended questions, and truly listen, creating space for perspectives they might otherwise miss.

Try this: At your next team meeting, ask, “What’s one thing I could do more of or less of to support your work better?” And then say thank you. No justifications, no explanations, just listen.

3. Use Personality Diversity to Build Balanced Teams

Diversity isn’t just about backgrounds, it’s also about brains. A Yellow/Blue leader might be great at building a nurturing, collaborative culture but benefit from having a Red/Green colleague to inject structure and drive results.

High-performing teams aren’t made up of people who all think alike, they’re made of people who understand how they think differently and can adapt accordingly. When team members know each other’s personality styles, they’re better equipped to resolve conflict, leverage strengths, and avoid collective blind spots.

4. Bridging Awareness and Action with Personal Intervention

While recognizing your leadership blind spots is one thing, responding to them in the moment is another. That’s where Personal intervention becomes invaluable. While the lens of personality diversity allows you to identify your natural behaviors and preferences, Personal intervention is the actionable skill that allows you to pause, reflect, and choose your response, especially in those critical moments when your default tendencies might otherwise take over.

At its core, Personal intervention is a simple but powerful self-regulation tool that empowers leaders to break free from autopilot reactions. Whether it’s choosing not to interrupt (if you’re naturally dominant), taking a stand (if you tend to avoid conflict), or slowing down your decision-making (if you’re overly action-oriented), personal intervention creates the space for intentional leadership.

In high-pressure, emotional, or high-stakes situations, the very environments where blind spots often surface, this practice can be the difference between a reactive misstep and a response that aligns with your values, your vision, and the needs of your team. Developing this muscle of choice transforms awareness into action and helps leaders show up in ways that inspire trust, adaptability, and effectiveness.

From Awareness to Action

Spotting your blind spots is a practice built and refined over a lifetime. It means choosing response over reaction. It means embracing vulnerability and being willing to grow in public. It means moving from autopilot to intentional leadership.

Understanding your leadership style is merely the first step to a more connected, more resilient, and more effective way to lead—an evermore essential skill in a world that demands more humanity from our leadership than ever before.

This post originally appeared at fastcompany.com

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by Bill Murphy Jr.

You can’t mandate psychological safety.

Have any of these things ever happened to you?

As a leader, I’m betting you’ve probably been in some of these situations, and you might even have paid attention to the idea of promoting “psychological safety” in the workforce in order to get your team to offer their best.

So, what if I told you that the notion of “psychological safety” has turned into one of the most misunderstood concepts of our business generation, and that there are things that smart leaders can do to motivate employees better as a result?

Writing in Harvard Business Review, Amy C. Edmondson of Harvard Business School and Michaela Kerrissey of the Harvard TH Chan School of Public Health say they’ve identified key misconceptions about psychological safety — along with how leaders can build a “strong, learning-oriented work environment.”

Here are the things they say people don’t understand, along with their blueprint for success:

Psychological safety doesn’t mean simply being “nice.” Continue reading →

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Story by Merrick Rosenberg

The most successful leaders aren’t necessarily the loudest, the most visionary, or the ones with all the answers. Instead, they know what drives their actions and what triggers their reactions. They understand themselves and can read what others need with precision. Furthermore, they don’t treat each person the same way. Instead, they tailor their approach to meet the needs of each individual or situation.

These leaders go beyond possessing highly developed emotional intelligence. They become their best selves and help others do the same. Their skill is based on harnessing personality to promote personal and organizational success.

But before we explore the power of personality intelligence, let’s introduce the four styles every leader needs to understand.

The Styles

We will use birds as a simple way to help explain, remember, and apply the four styles.

We all possess a mix of styles, but one or two typically stand out. Once you recognize these styles, you’ll start noticing them everywhere, from emails and meetings to how you lead with others. Continue reading →

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by Bill Murphy Jr

Read anything good lately?

Read anything good lately? Cool, glad to hear — hey, let me tell you about what I just read! In fact, it involves the extremely annoying thing I’m doing right now!

That would be “boomerasking,” which is how Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks describes a very common but almost universally disliked conversational quirk.

It goes like this:

1. Someone asks you a question. You’re flattered! They care about your opinion!
2. But when you start to answer, it seems as if they’re not even listening. Maybe they don’t let you answer at all.
3. Finally, impatiently, they dive straight into a story about their experience, or their opinion — as if the whole point of asking you the question was to hijack the conversation so that you’d have to listen to them, instead.

Now Brooks and another professor, Michael Yeomans of Imperial College London, have coauthored a roughly 15,000-word examination of the whole tendency in the Journal of Experimental Psychology — digging into why people fall into the trap, why it annoys so much, and what you can gain by training yourself not to.

It’s annoying!

Despite my boomerasking at the beginning of this article — that was just a narrative example. I try to avoid doing this in real life!

Because it’s annoying, right? Almost everyone agrees.

In an especially clear example, Brooks cites research that suggests that when people go on dates, asking questions and seeming interested in the answers makes it more likely they’ll get a second date, while “boomerasking” has the exact opposite effect.

“Unfortunately, it turns out that boomerasking is an easy way to undermine the superpower of question-asking,” she said.

Bragging, complaining, and sharing

Brooks and Yeomans came up with three categories of “boomerasking,” including:

But if almost everyone seems to agree that they’re annoyed by boomerasking, why do people do it? Two reasons, mainly.

First, they have a harder time recognizing and categorizing their own boomerasking, as opposed to when other people do it.

Second, they subjectively conclude that the other person in a conversation will like them more and feel included if they start conversations with a question — while not apparently recognizing that asking isn’t the same thing as actively listening to the answer.

Breaking the habit

Brooks and Yeomans also looked at how taking control of the boomerasking habit can help people become better leaders.

For example, a boss who doesn’t realize he or she is prone to boomerasking can create a culture in which employees don’t think their expertise or opinions are valued, which in turn leads to low morale.

“We’ve all had the experience of the bad boss who calls a meeting to ask for people’s feedback on a topic and lets people briefly chime in, only to mostly tell them what he thinks,” Brooks said in an interview. “It’s what drives people nuts about meetings—people come together to take advantage of the hive mind, to share their useful knowledge or feel heard.

Want to break the habit? Brooks has a few tips:

Try to identify if you do it, learn to show real interest when you ask people questions, and ask questions that you can’t answer yourself easily.

Oh, and maybe call out the elephant in the room by acknowledging the concept of boomerasking, and telling your employees that you’d like them to call you out if you do it.

Got any other ideas?

Seriously, I’m not boomerasking. If you’ve got something to suggest, message me here.

If we get enough smart replies, maybe we can do a follow-up.

This post originally appeared at inc.com.